So here’s the thing about privacy. Most of us worry that somebody might see our search history. Jared Kushner, according to Cole, had the Russians and the Dutch looking at his screen. Two separate countries. OMGEEEEEE that is SO EMBARRASSING!!111!!!!1!!

Here’s how it allegedly went down. In late 2017, Dutch military intelligence, the MIVD, found out a Russian GRU hacker was headed to the UK (OMG so many acronyms!). The Dutch apprehended him and gave him a choice: work for them or go to a British prison (do not pass go). He picked “new job,” which, honestly, is what most of us would pick because then you can totes go outfit shopping!

That new employee then gave the Dutch access to a GRU server in Rostov, Russia. On it, the book says, they found screenshots of Jared Kushner’s iPhone. Like, actual SCREENSHOTS. Of his PHONE. On a RUSSIAN SERVER. Literally screaming, crying, throwing up. 😭😭😭

The Dutch then reverse-engineered their own way into the phone, an iPhone X, which had launched with Face ID. They couldn’t turn on the camera or the mic. They could only see his screen whenever he used it. Which is somehow worse? Imagine being the Dutch intelligence officer assigned to watch Jared scroll Bonobos for new socks.

*The money, explained by Margot Robbie in a bathtub*

(She’s not here. We couldn’t afford her. Picture it anyway.)

According to Cole, Kushner had signing power on an account at First Abu Dhabi Bank, chaired by Tahnoon bin Zayed, the brother of UAE ruler Mohamed bin Zayed. The book calls it the “Alpha” account. Starting in 2017, the Saudis and Emiratis allegedly sent roughly $750 million into it. Every dollar came through a bank in Azerbaijan. Cole explains that some Azerbaijani banks, for a fee of about 6 to 7 percent, will turn riyals or dirhams into US dollars in a way auditors can’t trace. It’s basically a currency exchange booth at the airport, if the airport were a crime. Side note: the Azerbaijani banks STILL take less than an airport currency exchange...rich get richer.

Here’s the twist. Per the excerpt, Kushner didn’t own Alpha. The account belonged to the Watani Al Emarat Foundation, a government-funded Emirati charity. A confidential source told Cole the charity also served as cover for the UAE’s secret weapons purchases. A charity. You know, like the Red Cross, except with guns and drugs.

Then there’s “Beta.” Cole reports that by spring 2018, MBZ had moved about $1 billion to Israel via Azerbaijan for Kushner. A person briefed on it said Prime Minister Netanyahu encouraged parking the money at Israel’s Central Bank, an institution that doesn’t hold personal accounts. Kushner allegedly had to check with Netanyahu before moving any of it, passing messages through then-Ambassador David Friedman. So it’s a billion dollars, and he has to ask permission to spend it, and he passes notes through a friend? That’s literally a hall pass. He needed a HALL PASS. I’m deceased. 💀

One person told Cole a lot of that money went on to Cyprus. Friedman flatly denied knowing anything and he called the allegations about him completely false.

There was also a third account, Cole writes. It was a UAE-funded emergency fund at Israel’s Central Bank to cover Israel defending the UAE if Iran attacked. It’s a rainy-day fund, if the rain is missiles.

The origin story somehow got weirder

Cole says his first tip came in 2020 from a source who claimed Kushner had sent money from the Dubai account to a warlord, a mercenary and a former hit man. A warlord, a mercenary and a hit man walk into a bank. That’s not a joke setup, that’s allegedly his Venmo history. OMG who even ARE your friends???

Cole says he told the source it sounded preposterous. That’s the most reasonable sentence in the whole saga.

The other side

Kushner’s lawyer denied every bit of it, duh cause its like SO embarrassing. He said Kushner had no connection to the charity, Al Falasi or any UAE bank account, that he followed every law, and that “there are no accounts and never were.” His counsel also said any deal Kushner made abroad had the president’s approval.

That said, Cole reports four senior Trump officials told him they knew of no such authorization: two national security advisers, a chief of staff and a former CIA director. A former Mueller prosecutor told Cole that if Kushner promised the royals anything, even just a word with his father-in-law, it could raise federal bribery and foreign-agent issues. Again, these are allegations from one book, and none of them have been proven in court.

Why this matters right now

Because the Winter Formal is like right around the corner, no but in all seriousness, this isn’t a dusty first-term story. Kushner has been the US Special Envoy for Peace Missions since February 2026, serving alongside Steve Witkoff (source). Just this Tuesday he joined the Ukraine talks in Oslo remotely (source). Earlier this month, CNN reported that his firm, Affinity Partners, is the largest stakeholder in Phoenix Financial, and Kushner called the story deeply misleading (source). Days later, House Oversight Democrats sent Affinity a letter demanding answers.

So, one more time: the man currently helping negotiate peace in two wars has been accused of having access to a secret billion-dollar charity account. Allegedly. And everybody denies it.

Like, can you even. I literally cannot even.

That escalated quickly.